Reality is my greatest teacher

A German/American who grew up between Germany, France, and the US, I came of age in a culture that valued achievement and economic progress over personal and planetary wellbeing.

I was a curious, creative, and highly sensitive child fascinated by the mystery of life. Feeling like a misfit both at home and in school, I spent a lot of time reading, writing stories, drawing, playing outside, and escaping into imaginary worlds.

Like most German families, mine carried the inherited weight of the world wars. I was raised mostly by my grandmother, living apart from both parents for many years.

At 13, an early encounter with the fragility of life cracked something open. That same year, I started a path that has shaped every year since - reading the Buddha's life story, devouring self-help books, beginning a contemplative practice that has been a steady companion.

On the outside, I was a successful overachiever and changemaker.

I learned to play the game early and did everything I could to exceed others' expectations. I was good at sports, got straight A's, went to an Ivy League college, won awards and fellowships, gained membership in influential global networks, and traveled and worked across the world doing social impact and systems change work to do both "good and well." While my intentions were good, my conditioned ways of being and working were not in alignment with my vision for a more beautiful and just world.

On the inside, I was at war with myself and stuck in the ice of perfection.

A part of me was questioning the game the whole time; another helped me stuff down my deep sense of misalignment so I could keep pushing forward.

I was stuck in the ice of perfection. Working to optimize every area of my life, believing there was a "best" or "right" way for everything. My own worst critic - and silently judging others for not living up to my standards.

I overworked. I rarely rested. I felt pressure to perform, fear of failing, and was caught in over-analyzing every decision. I was convinced love, belonging, and worthiness were conditional - based on me being "good" and "perfect."

I felt rigid, tense, frozen in my body. Hard to breathe freely. Hard to share my voice. Hard to relax.

I selectively hid parts of myself in different contexts, afraid that if people truly saw me, they'd find me too deep, too much, not enough - and reject me. I had quietly resigned myself to never finding the love and connection I longed for.

After years of trying to control life and fix myself and the world, I could no longer push away the insistent call to come wildly alive and into full alignment.

I felt burnt out, empty, lonely, and disconnected from aliveness and a sense of possibility.

I became acutely aware that what I was experiencing inwardly was mirrored in the world. The multiple crises we face - ecological, social, political, spiritual - are not separate problems. They are symptoms of a deeper crisis in our current way of being human. The way we understand and relate to ourselves, each other, and the planet is unsustainable and doesn’t enable our deepest human potential for flourishing.

Due to the effects of multi-generational trauma, we've forgotten who we truly are. Forgotten our interconnection. Got out of sync with the natural unfolding of our planet.

I knew I had to find another way.

With the support of wise teachers, coaches, and peers, I learned to become intimate with and befriend everything inside of myself.

Exploring the depths of our humanity, I realized that who we are is really good news. We each carry a deep well of resourcefulness, creativity, brilliance, and love - our birthright. We each have a unique way of bringing our innate wholeness and gifts to life.

By becoming intimate with the truth, beauty, and goodness of what's inside, we gradually become more integrated. We discover a treasure trove of inner resources. We come home.

Finding home in myself, I realized I'm already whole. There's nothing missing. Nothing to fix. I have exactly what it takes to meet life as it is. I've found freedom from my professional and personal identities, and discovered that living from presence is the greatest gift I can offer.

I’ve found more ease, flow, and intimacy of connection with others and a deep sense of innate belonging that’s never at stake.

I've become less attached to how the world needs to be "improved," while feeling more resourced to be with things exactly as they are. Paradoxically, this has facilitated more perspective shifts and more spontaneous unfolding around perceived “problems” than any amount of trying.

I realized I don’t have to figure everything out and mastermind it all. Life is trying to do its work through me. What’s mine to do is to listen, follow the call, and playfully participate in the unfolding.

I've come to experience myself and others as a continuously unfolding mystery. Learning to trust life and be all of who I am has steadily allowed me to create and receive a life I couldn't have imagined was possible.